Knocked Up

Did you know that Florida has the most sex-offenders per capita?

My mother says that during this time of the year, women are either getting married or giving birth (or maybe both, Jessica Alba!). She didn’t mention that it was girls who were giving birth (although she won't go to the mall on a Friday night because the 17-year-old shopping for low-rise stretch jeans while their toddler screams in the stroller is just too depressing. Ah, how the apple doesn't fall far from the tree).

I am not the authority on who should or shouldn’t have children or who is ready and who isn’t. However, it is my opinion that a 35 year old woman is more equipped to care for a child than a 17 year old girl. But our media and gossip rags would like to paint a different picture. Teenage, young, and unmarried mothers have become so freakin' hot and babies have replaced the lap dog as the latest accessory.

Just yesterday, 17 year old Jamie Lynn Spears gave birth. When Spears became pregnant at 16, she claimed she didn’t know about birth control, becoming the literal covergirl for the inadequacy of abstinence-only education. In this, our progressive and civilized society, we should be embarrassed that a sexually active teenager did not know about or wasn’t given access to birth control even though its been FDA approved since 1960.

Jamie Lynn Spears’s situation could have been perpetuated by neglectful, idiotic or religious parents (or maybe the trifecta) but clearly our inability to provide young women with sex education and safe and accessible birth control is a huge problem fueled by the government and the media, and is directly effecting teenage girls.

President Bush instituted Abstinence-Only “Education” at the beginning of his presidency defying doctors, psychologists, common sense, and history in general. Bush's inane policies have been widely criticized for being misleading, counteractive, and just stupid. In 2007, a study found that middle schoolers who took part in abstinence-only education were just as likely to have sex as teenagers as there peers who weren't educated about true love waits, etc. Presumably, the kids who had real sex education might know what a condom or birth control is and the other students are Jamie Lynn Spears and the over 750,000 pregnant girls a year like her.

I recently watched Judd Apatow’s 2007 film, Knocked Up, a film based upon an unplanned pregnancy and the wackiness that ensues after unprotected sex. The main character, Alison, lives in her sister’s guesthouse and receives a promotion at work; not exactly someone who is ready to have and raise a child. A couple marijuana jokes and an unsexy sex scene later, Alison, gets, ha, ha, knocked up by Ben, who is even more unequipped to raise a child than she is. I don’t care that Alison decides to keep the baby and they both decide to raise it; the movie wouldn't have been made if Alison had an abortion because abortion is neither comedic gold nor socially acceptable. It is troubling, however, that in a movie about an unplanned pregnancy, abortion is only mentioned when referred to as “smbortion” (by adults, not kindergartners) and as the 1950’s sanitized phrase “taking care of it.” Ignoring abortion undermines it as a reproductive choice legal since 1973. Alison is not outwardly religious but she doesn't so much discuss her choices with her sister, Debbie. “Smbortion” is mentioned by the most dimwitted and insensitive of Ben’s friends and Alison is told to “take care of it” by her cold, snobbish mother. Coupled with a movie like Juno, where the main character pops one out and hands it over to a loving and deserving adoptive mother in a matter of two hours, who wouldn’t think that having a kid is fun looks hot and sounds good?

High school girls in Gloucester, Massachusetts thought so. A group of high schoolers decided to make a "pregnancy pact" and have babies together. Gloucester, a largely Catholic area ("the virgin mother," enough said.) sex education ends in the 9th grade, leaving kids to fend for themselves at a time when a lot of teenagers begin having sex. Gloucester is also a very depressed area and while these schools have failed preparing students for college or skilled employment, they've decided to have kids instead. And, Omg, Nicole Richie looked so cute with her little baby bump.

Pregnant teenage girls should not be treating pariahs of society (I'm looking at you, mom/me). But teen pregnancy also shouldn't be ignored when it so simply could be solved with comprehensive sex education and affordable and available contraceptives. Good parenting that instills love and confidence in children would help too, although sadly, that is harder to come by. Telling kids not to just say no! to sex is futile and the glamorous life of young pregnancy stops on the glossy pages of the magazines. While Angelina Jolie can hire someone to help care for her 300 kids, girls in Gloucester will have to do it all alone.