Stripy polos rejoice! Your favorite piece of literature, next to Maxim, is being adapted for the big screen! No need to breathlessly await The Wedding Crashers 2, the fine piece of literature “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell” is being turned into a movie. I guess Hollywood ran out of Jane Austen books to remake! Written by self-proclaimed (and actual) asshole Tucker Max, the totally INSANE piece of non-fiction chronicles Max banging a lot of chicks, bro.
Alas, I can’t say that I am surprised. We are the proud land of gender stereotypes. Being a white male is the greatest thing ever and in our fine country and being a frat-boy gives you literal presidential status.
The short of it is Max’s penis and, that he’s had sex with tons fuckin’ hot sluts and got a book deal because he went to a pseudo-Ivy. He probably didn’t get enough attention as a child, feels disenfranchised as a white male, blah, blah, yadda, yadda.
But seriously, who is this dude? I went to boarding school, so Tucker Max is my every-man: well-educated, boringly attractive, far superior to you. In Max’s world, all women are “bitches” and date-rape is sex. Mr. Max will marry at 30, when having sex with prostitutes becomes sad and all the good chicks have married. He’ll become an investment banker and screw some college interns at Goldman Sachs. He’ll have two blond children and see them once a week. And the cycle will continue with Tucker Max II.
Only in America could Tucker Max’s book be published and cherished. We love a “man’s man” (see: George Bush). White men have ruled this country for over two hundred years, Goddamn it! But wait, Barak Obama is the most important person in America right now. And didn’t a chick run for president and do pretty well? And isn’t a black woman the wealthiest and most well-known American? Is the apocalypse upon us? Are white men loosing control?!
No, of course they aren’t. It will take a long time for this country, rooted in racism, sexism, and class-ism (and some other “ism” to be sure) to be truly egalitarian. But in the meantime, minorities (read: not white men!) are making some headway. But instead of cheering this diversity, the media, controlled by who else?—white men! won’t let us forget who’s in charge. Why else would Askmen.com come up with a top-10 “Things Only Men Can Do”? It is almost as desperate as John McCain’s campaign.
But I am just a man-hating feminist, so of course I hate males! Alas, I don’t hate white males; I feel bad for them. In our culture, young men are marginalized just as much as young women. Girls are taught to be skinny and stupid—to attract men—and boys are taught to be uber-masculine—in the most contrived sense—and super-dominant. And while girls can never be pretty enough, boys can never be “manly” enough. In the game of gender-stereotypes, everyone looses!
Tucker Max, I do hate you. Max perpetuates a tired stereotype that no one benefits from. It’s time that we start holding men to higher standards—men aren’t Neanderthals, women aren’t sluts, but Tucker Max is a douche. To end on a positive note, I leave you with some real men.
2 comments:
I used to LOVE tucker max a lot until I realized that I disagreed with what he said. And then I stopped reading it.
Also, white males aren't all bad. We have to learn to live together. More often than not, they don't know what we want and think we like macho tools. If we tell them otherwise, they'll be surprised and grateful.
Hard evidence of this fact: I walked into a situation of a couple of dudes who build things for a living with their bare hands and find their identity in this fact, and use the words gay and pussy to describe things. I kindly but firmly let them know that is not ok and they need to get with it. Now we're all friends and one of them just wrote me a love poem (but maybe it's just my rack).
They're not dumb or bad, but just misguided. We can all just get along if we're nice. If someone had told Tucker Max at 17 that what he thought was wrong and offensive, he might have turned out differently.
We can imagine that we're all happily co-existing as humans, we will be.
I can't believe i just read that top 10 list. i can't believe someone (probably a thick-skulled team) wrote that top 10 list. "Yes, our swimmers are under siege from early scientific studies that show women can create sperm from their own bone marrow. And of course, studies are also underway to grow babies out of the womb. Are these studies headed by lesbians?"
what does a species do when its most popular and controlling member suffers from severe inferiority complex? call Hollywood!!!! This is the filthiest filth i've ever heard, and i'll bet the male versus female orgasms in it are 15:1 (12 of the 15 being premature). also i wonder in how many scenes a hot chick gets barfed on while being raped. sounds like a blast (in the head).
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